Speaking "Teen"

So much of this blog has been about Andrew. He’s the reason it was started and while we’ve always talked about every day life, it’s usually about every day life with a toddler. The other 50% of our time is life with a teenager and it’s becoming more and more complex and we’ve learned some lessons this past week.

Let me start off by saying that Alex is one of the most amazing kids I’ve ever known. Always has a sunny disposition, the glass is always half full, he’s naturally smart, naturally athletic, handsome, funny and so mature. Alex, Keith and I have always had an open and honest relationship. Say what you want, but be prepared for our opinions was always the motto. He would always tell on himself before the teacher had a chance too – just that kind of kid.

I’m been amazed at how easy his teenage years have been. I’ve expected some rebelling, back talking, grades dropping, etc… the typical things but to date, we’ve really had none of that. It’s been “easy” and I think when things seem so “easy” you tend to take things for granted. I’ve always taken it for granted that Alex would always tell us everything and never imagined a day when he would stop.

We see Alex about 20 minutes a day – when he comes in the house after swim practice and before he heads upstairs to do his homework. Just the other night, I went up to his room to talk to him some more about the meeting we had at school regarding college selections. While talking to him, I noticed a note on the floor and some of the text I saw made me curious. I asked if I could read it, he said sure and so I did. It was from another parent telling him that regardless of how dark his week seems, he’s got so many people that care for him and if he ever needs someone to talk to, they are there.

I was lost and confused. I had no clue what prompted this letter and I immediately knew that we had lost touch. Somewhere along the way, we lost our status as the “go-to” people in Alex’s life. Without getting into too much detail about the note, I realized that Alex’s go to person is now his girlfriend. Ah yes… girlfriends. :-) Just you mom’s of boys wait until this phase of your child’s life. SO MUCH FUN! (insert sarcasm here!)

Obviously the letter prompted a conversation between Alex and I as to what it was about and if he felt like he couldn’t talk to us. Of course that wasn’t the case at all… he’s 17, he has a girlfriend and we’re chopped liver. :-) I know my parents were chopped liver once I had a boyfriend too (Sorry, dad!!). We also don’t have the quality time together like we used to – time in the car together before school and after school, weekends doing things together, etc… I started to write that our quality time is all a thing of the past but it’s not – it’s just something we have to work harder at making sure happens.

I think it’s so darn easy to get caught up in life – the daily things. Things like the laundry, the house and making sure homework is done that we forget about the bigger things like sitting down once a week and just talking about things. Cell phones, computers, texting have made it that much harder and so much more impersonal. Add to all of that, a teenager with a car, sports and a social life.

I keep thinking “We need to say “No!” to more” but Alex works so hard during the week that he needs play time and time to unwind. Sitting in the house with parents when you’re 17 is not unwinding because inevitably you will end up doing laundry. :-) At least in my house you will! Andrew also takes up a lot of the conversation/attention and I’m sure it’s nice to escape that for a few hours too.

As a result of all of this, Sunday dinners are mandatory unless there is an event taking place that is on the calendar. Not on the calendar? Not happening. Every night once we’re all home, we’ll sit down and chat about the day. Homework can wait and extra 5 minutes. When Alex gets overtired we will say “no” to things instead of letting him convince us he “needs” to do whatever it is (usually more swimming).

Like I told Keith (when I woke him up to tell him about the note that was keeping me up) – we have about 75 more Sunday’s with Alex before he goes off to college. 75! Can you believe that? I never want to look back and wish we had spent more quality time together or regret having lost the connection we worked so hard to build.

I know a teenager is a teenager. I was one too and I guess I expected teenage hood to hit a bit earlier. I kind of expected to be chopped liver by the time Alex was 14 and I guess we got comfy thinking that wasn’t going to happen. Maybe I forgot to knock on wood or something. :-)

So, we sat down with Alex last night and talked about what was bothering him. Earlier last week his swim coach passed away unexpectedly and it hit him a lot harder then we realized. It was another important female in his life that was now gone (his mom being the first). He’s not happy with his grades (he had all mid-90’s and an 89 last semester and is taking an AP course and Honor’s Course… seriously!?! I would have paid for those grades in HS!), he’s unmotivated with school and is “over it”. He’s also not happy that he is only an alternate for the state swim team and he’s not where he wants to be in swimming.

He puts an unbelievable about of pressure on himself to do bigger and better then what he did the time before. While that is a great trait, it obviously takes a toll on him. We can tell he is exhausted and burned out. We hope that now that the school swim season is over (he does year round swimming as well), things will slow down a bit and he can slow down a bit. Not to mention the raging hormones and everything that comes along with being 17.

Why am I telling you all of this? Heck if I know! :-) Build your foundation with your kiddos from the get go – it’s never too early. Andrew already tells on himself and I love it! It opens the door to talking about things, even at the ripe age of 3 when he gets in trouble for not using his walking feet and knocking down other kid’s block towers. :-)