Andrew and I dropped Alex off to help a friend study for a final. We had about an hour and a half to kill and with mall traffic it just didn't make sense to go back home. I had attempted to get Andrew to take a nap prior to taking Alex to meet the friend but it was a no-go and to be honest I've decided that I'm willing to battle sleep time once a day and that is at night - for my sanity and his. Andrew's mood was already sour but he seemed to lighten up quite a bit on the car ride. We started at Petsm*rt and grabbed a set of kittie nail clippers, walked to the next store and got a plastic tablecloth to use with playdoh and then headed to B0rders.
On our way to B0rders, my darling dearest child decided to say "Hi Man" to some man sitting on a bench. The man said hi and I figured we'd head on our merry way. Um, no. Andrew shook out of my grip, hid his hands behind his back and went up right between the man's legs to show him what was in the Petsm*rt bag. Needless to say, I was not a happy camper - first of all, with myself for not having a tighter grip on him and secondly because of this whole "Hi Man" thing. I grabbed Andrew firmly by the hand and pulled him away very unwillingly.
My back has been out for the past week and a half so picking him up was shear torture, but I did it anyway. We made it to B0rders, I put him down to hold his hand and off he went. In between the aisles - hiding and laughing. Of course, all of the adults were laughing as well which egged him on. I said his name sternly and told him to come over and he decided to try to make it a game of cat and mouse. I told him if he was not over to me by the count of 3 we were leaving. He walked over, I grabbed his hand, he let his feet out from underneath and tried to hang from my arm. I told him (very calmly mind you which REALLY surprised me) that since he wasn't listening to Mommy we were going to be leaving. I picked him up, he let out a blood curdling scream and started balling. "Book, listen! Book listen! Noooooooooooo!!! Book, listen! MAMAAAAAAAAA". He flailed and cried and cried and cried.
I carried him across the parking lot, put him in his carseat without saying a word. Got in the car, turned around (every so calmly again which really freaked me out because I figured I would be madder then dirt) and explained to him why we left the store, how he needs to listen to mommy and hold my hand, etc, etc... He sobbed out a "Sorry, Mama", we hugged and made up. Sort of. He was a pill the rest of the day, but it was to be expected. I really think the no-nap but trying for a nap did him in.
So, back to this "Hi Man" thing. I can't figure out if it's an attachment thing, a curiosity thing or what! He's a ham - no doubt about it - and he's darn cute so he knows he'll get smiles and waves. It bothered me in the beginning but that day it really bothered me because he shrugged off my hand and went to this man. I can tell you that if Keith was there it never would have happened. He tests me quite often in your typical 3 year old way. "Please don't push the button" and he pushes the button. "Please don't throw the rocks, you might hurt someone" and he throws rocks. Was he testing me? Sure he was. I don't know, it just boggles my mind.
Tonight, we had to take Alex to the orthodontist. We ran into someone Alex and Keith know - a real nice older man. Andrew was sitting on Keith's shoulder and the older man put his arms out towards Andrew and Andrew leaned forward like he was going to go but then quickly leaned into Keith and diverted his eyes from this man. A good attachment sign? You betcha! It's too bad this attachment thing isn't cut and dry like "20 minutes of eye contact, 50 unsolicited bouts of affection, etc..." and VOILA - you have an attached child! Oh well... one of the many joys and challenges of parenting an adopted child, huh?
So - enough attachment rambling. I figured you would all love to hear about my true mother moment because I'm sure many of you have been there before and will understand. Picture time!
Andrew and Uncle Rob (or Uncle Lob as Andrew calls him)
Andrew's way of saying "Seriously - ENOUGH with the pictures!")
Big boy brushing his teeth (or sucking the toothpaste off the toothbrush)
SAFE!!
You can't catch me!
Going to help Papa with the lawn
Taking care of businessPaka Paka!
Becky
18 comments:
Oh yeah, I've been THAT mom more times than I can count. It sounds like you handled it MUCH better than I usually do! Kudos!
And the naptime for 3 year olds is sooo hard to figure out. It's either (a) they nap, are happy at dinner, but then won't go to bed at night; (b) they don't nap, are grumpy all through dinner, and then go to bed right on time; or (c) they don't nap, then fall out on the floor about 5 minutes before dinner is ready, then wake up at 10:00 pm rearing to go. You can't win for losing. But this too shall pass and you will naturally find a routine that works for your family.
I am a reseller, customer and friend of your husband, Uncle LOB and Steve and have been following your post with much attention....checking every hour for new updates!!! I agree that Andrew is quite the ham and that makes me love him even more!!!
Mike from EDI
Becky- you handled it so well! Really! I really think while naptime may have been an issue.. it sounded so mcuh like testing... My ds2 would do that ALOT! I would take his hand at the mall to walk and he would collapse his legs and go limp. (Where do they learn that from??) I would have taken him right out as well. You did it calmly too, which is awesome! When mine realized that the consequence was an end to his fun (ie: leaving) and I was consistent with that consequence...he learned quickly that "Mom means business". lol!
You hang in there girl! I was that mother at Target and if looks from other customers could kill... I wasn't as calm as you though and threw in a lot of "Artem Alexander's" and there were lots of clenched teeth on my part and there may have been a vein or two bulging from my temples.
You did the right thing by standing your ground and it will pay off in the long run.
Okay, I have three boys... I have been THAT mother so many times I probably qualify for THAT mother of the year! :) But really... kids just don't cooperate. A long time ago my mother told me that kids are crazy and that thought rings through my head at least once a day! :)
Too bad you're not next door to me, we could throw Andrew and Connor in the back yard and lock the door. You and I could sit in the air conditioning with a cocktail and let them wear themselves out. (Do you think we would get in trouble for that? :)
Also, I just want to mention that the photo of you Keith and Alex does not look like you at all. :) I don't know why, but I can never see the Becky I met in Moscow in that photo????
Hehe...sounds like you handled it great. I don't know what it is but how is it that they know to test their mothers more than their fathers. Mateo is definitely more whiney and trying with me than Andres. Sounds like Andrew is the same with you guys.
You just never know when "those" moments will happen. I had one with my 5 year old bio child yesterday at the store - loud crying, stamping of feet. It is amazing that no matter how mad you are, you can compose yourself! Because others might be irritated with the kid but all eyes are on you! Bless you - Monica
Great job Mama. It may be 'tough love,' but leaving when the tantrum begins is the best thing you could have done. 'Never give in. Mama (and / or Papa) always wins.' That's pretty much my motto. And know what? I'm pleased to report that it's worked for 3+ years now.
Not sure if you're seeking advice, but my suggestion (from the teacher here, not necessarily the parent) for what it's worth: When redirecting, try not to use "don't..." It's much more effective to say "hands down" instead of "don't push the buttons," or "put the rocks down" rather than "don't throw the rocks..." I learned that in college and for me it's been more effective. (Theory is that most kids don't hear "don't" repeatedly and instead DO what it is you're telling them not to do.)
Sounds like Andrew's language skills are coming along quickly. Bonus! :)
Hi Becky! Ya Zdes (I'm here),
I am just now finally catching up on blogs. So many decisions to make for us - AGAIN! I loved reading your time at the mall. I had a very similar experience with my nephew when he was 3 - Very tough! I love these new pictures. It looks like you all are having a blast with Andrew. Let's get in touch soon.
Take care...Teresa
I've got you in my prayers sweetie! Try to keep a tight hold of your little guy! I know that they wiggle free so easily! I'm trying to remember the book of fun activities that I recommended to Carey - for toddler games - I'll look it up and email it to you. The pictures are adorable. Hang in there you are doing great! I'm sure it must be hard especially with that stranger issue.... that would scare me! MJ
He is such a doll in these pictures. Sorry that you were THAT mother. I think you taking him out of the store was the best consequence. I feel like I am THAT mother almost everyday. My son would much prefer to run around than to sit in a stroller or hold my hand and walk.
Love the last pic of your lawn crew! :)
I've been "That" mom too alhough in a different way recently! However, Daniel did that to me in a store once too. Before I used to cringe when other people's children wailed and now I just smile sympathetically and an thankful it's not just me!! I think you are doing a great job and the fact that you hold your temper and keep your cool is great!!
Hi. Don't know how I missed this post yesterday. I am looking forward to talking to you by phone soon on this issue. For your sake, I hope this is an isolated incident in which Andrew will not be one to seek attention from other adults. Us, not so lucky. We are getting better, but again if I talk to another adult (even if it is a stranger to her) she will seek attention or give hugs/kisses. We are not having the kisses to the cashier, but the stranger I spoke to at Chick-fil-A yes! Even though I am becoming a pro at stopping this interaction, I still miss a few which continue to make me cringe. We've had the hand pulled away and even had an instance of her running from me since I wasn't letting her hug/kiss all over the other adult. Holding her close (in my opinion) only seems to make her push away more, but I know it must be done. Don't get me wrong, she loves me too. She just continues to "parent shop."
When at church or another setting with adults singing/reading to children, she will push to be right next to them or in their lap (even if she doesn't know them). She doesn't sit in front of the teachers like our son. I asked the Mother's Day Out teachers not to hold her or let her sit in their laps, but I'm not sure if they are following through or not. She has been a little more upset this past week and more apt to push me away (like when I first went back to work), but I think it will get better as she becomes more familiar.
At my cousin's recent wedding, she wanted to go to my sister's boyfriend. We were telling him that she had to sit with us as she needs to be with us as much as possible when we are not at work. She began to cry and hyperventilate, so we had to leave to go back to the hotel room. Of course, it was getting close to bedtime but she was mad b/c I wasn't letting her get attention from the other adults in the room.
Okay, I could ramble all day, but I'll just wait to talk later!
I forgot to mention that Andrew looks so cute in the pictures. I love the one on base and the one he is motioning safe!
It sounds like you did really well today. Pat yourself on the back, grab yourself a cocktail and put your feet up. I only have one word of advice for you if you want to make it a little easier on yourself the next time you have a bunch of errands to run...stroller. Sometimes it's better to save your sanity then to get a toddler to try and stay on your agenda and not their own :-)Plus it's a great place to hang all of your purchases off of so you don't have to lug around heavy bags. :-) I sometimes just bring a stroller with me and no kids when I shop. Yeah I get a lot of funny looks but those bags can get heavy!!
Heads up! You did great. Running errands with toddlers is just hot, and sweaty hard work, period!!
Oh, yes I relate. I don't even go into Borders anymore
I laughed so hard at the Borders story. I know that a toddler can be very frustrating at times. You are handling it so well! Can't wait to read more stories. Andrew is such a character!
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