We held Andrew out of school on Tuesday just to be sure he was feeling 100%. Good move? Maybe. Bad move? Maybe. This morning was his first full day of Pre-K and drop off went pretty horribly. We got to his class and I was very bubbly - cheerleader like. He seemed excited to go in and I crouched down to give him a kiss and a hug once we were inside the door. I stood up to leave and heard "one more kiss and hug?" and so I squatted down again and gave him a big bear hug and a kiss. I got back up (who needs the gym to do squats?!?) and started to head for the door. Andrew turned and gave me this evil little smirk, cut in front of me and tried to head out the door. Uh-uh. No way.
I grabbed his hand, took him over to his teacher, gave him another kiss and hug and he proceeded to melt down, crying "one more kiss and hug". The teacher took him and he cried and cried and cried. He tried to bolt to the door but she held him back and kept asking him what was wrong. I, of course, stood outside the door, listened to him cry and once he calmed down (1 minute later), I left.
The afternoon was just as "fun" because Andrew was so tired and just cried over everything and anything. He refused to go into the bathroom unless one of us was with him (very unusual), he threw a fit about having to get in his chair at dinner time, he bit his finger while eating his grilled cheese and just LOST it. My poor boy's first active day in a week, first full day in a new class without some of his best buds and he's just so darn exhausted he can hardly stand it.
Bath time went well (YAY for small victories!) and then came bed time. I'd say, for the past month of so, bedtime has become more difficult. We really had a schedule down pat and he went down so easily. Now, it's about 4 renditions of "one more hug and kiss" and then it's meltdown time. I've just had to let him cry it out because he'll keep the stall tactics coming. He always wants to sleep in mommy and daddy's bed and that's usually meltdown part 1 when we tell him he needs to sleep in his big boy bed. We go through funny stories about how his car bed misses him, what it says when he's not there, etc... (Yes, the car bed "talks" in our house. How can something so big and blue not have a voice??)
So, there you have it... my little boy must be going through a phase. He's about to be four and I'm guessing this is just par for the course. Keith is worried something might be happening at school, but I think the change might just be taking a toll on him. Is this normal? Do I need to be worried about attachment? I remember going through this when we first came home and I can honestly say that I'm handling it much better now then I did before. :-)
And now.... proof. Well, not exactly proof because this was a fake cry meltdown (thus the eyes squeezed tightly - trying to squeeeeeze those tears out!) during dinner tonight. I couldn't help but take pictures. I know... I'm such a nice mom. I have video too, but am too tired to edit it right now. :-)
I'm heading upstairs to give my sleeping boy "one more kiss and hug". Here's to hoping tomorrow is a better day!Becky
13 comments:
Oh, Becky!
I'm no expert on this, but it does sound to me like he's just adjusting to all of the changes...not like this is a sign of some big trouble.
I'll keep you in my prayers...and I LOVE that the car bed talks!
I love the new look of your blog! When do you get time to do all that cool stuff?!?
Yeah, phases... After more than a year at home, we finally got to enjoy about a month of Diego sleeping in his twin bed (with rails because he moves a lot!) and now he is crawling into our bed around midnight! I am still such a sucker that I give in and let him sleep with us, but Oh my, I think he is pushing his limits and we need to get tougher!!
Andrew is such a sweet and smart boy, he probably needs some time and support during all these changes... Hopefully things will go back to "normal" soon!
We went through similar behavior when Allie switched daycare. Lot's of crying at drop-off, refused to go to sleep, if she woke up in the night stayed up for hours, didn't eat very well. I talked to the pediatrician and she said these were completely normal reactions to change and could last up to three weeks. If it was still bad after three weeks she suggested talking to daycare to see if there was something going on at school. It lasted 2 1/2 weeks for us, then back to normal.
I obviously don't know how adoption/attachment impacts this, but just thought I'd share what we went through. Also, I cried on my way to work every day the first week at the new daycare! It is so hard to leave them crying.
Hang in there, I'm sure it will get better!
Gretchen
You know, I think all kids just react differently to change. Caroline doesn't bat an eye in a new situation and with Chase, well he is the complete opposite and his world just falls apart with any kind of major change and it totally sets him back. Andrew's world just changed, even if it is for the better, it's just probably hard for him to transition. He will come around, just give him a little time.
Also, I would ask his teacher to be proactive and intervene after the first "hug and kiss" and distract him into a different activity. That way, you can get out the door and there won't be all that drama.
Have you tried "blast off"? It is when you count to 50 and then when you get to 50 you "blast off". Not sure where I heard this..maybe from you..haha.
Hugs..this is a good thing you know. It means he loves you so much, he can't bare to spend the entire day without you. Just like me last year when I was starting the adoption ;)
XXX
Kristine
Oh Becky! I can relate... not to the drop off, but it's been a day with Small Fry.
I too think it's a change that he is going to go through at school. They say in those adoption books, that when there is a change like that you may see a setback in attachment or behavior. He just can't adapt as quickly as an adult. But in a few weeks the new dayscare will become routine, and the children will become friends. I bet you'll see his happy go lucky personality again.
Hang in there... I am SO glad you posted those photos of Andrew. It's nice to see other kids totally melt down too. (BTW- mine had a fit about sitting in his chair at dinner too, and had a fit about bathtime after dinner. He wanted to PLAY, and he let us know it too! I knew he had a short nap, and really needed to get to bed, so I scooped him up and handed him to Chris. UGH! It's been a day.....
Girl, don't underestimate the impact change has on little ones. Even ones who aren't adopted, and even when they are ten, they still get squirrely at sometimes even slight changes. Moving to the new room is a BIG deal for him. It really is. Just be patient, I think the other gal was right when she said about three weeks, that seems to be about the going rate for a change in my house too. It will seem like three years, but when you look back, you'll see that it just "happened" one day, I think... at least that's what usually happens at my house. On the other hand, Connor will be five in three weeks and he still cries when I leave him ANYWHERE, including with Brian. And HE grew in my tummy, so all bets are off when you're talking kids, they're just plain crazy! Also, I highly doubt it's anything to do with attachment, he seems to be just feeling uneasy and wanting you around for security, which is attachment, so it sounds like he's okay on that front.
I am sure it is just a change. Very cool about your talking car bed!
It sounds like you are doing well and VERY busy. Things are chaotic here. I am trying to get a new blog post done.
Myra
I was gonna say it's probably just having to do with the changes at school, but everyone else already did :-) Sofia gets so mad at me when I take a picture of her throwing a fit . . .
Def. the changes. You know some of what I went through when Daniel's classroom was a mess. Lots of fits. One thing we worked out at bedtime, (although Daniel doesn't stall too much) is to let him turn on two nightlights - one in the hall and one in the bathroom and then we allow him to get up once to go potty and "follow the nightlights" on the condition that he gets straight back into bed. So far, so good, except the night he was following the nightlights with his wheelbarrow in hand. It was so hard not to laugh! I'm sure things will get better as he adjusts. Are you trying an earlier bedtime to adjust for activity too?
Wow, I've loved reading all the comments on this one. Of course, we agree with everyone else too. When our daughter went from MDO (Mother's Day Out) to pre-K, she began hugging/kissing strangers, wetting the bed even at naptime (first wetting pants while awake and during nap), and crying when I would pick her up. I understand your mother's heart hurting and being full of guilt as this was my life back in the spring. I also agree with Ondrea that it just changed one day. Of course, it was more like 6-8 weeks for us. I hope yours happens much more quickly. But, even if it takes time...don't jump to attachment (as this is exactly what I did...and, like you, I too was so ready to be over that).
Praying for you. We start pre-K in 2 weeks and I'm so not looking forward to seeing the setbacks (we've made such progress this summer in attachment).
ALL my boys have pulled the one more hug, one more kiss, one more book, etc. at bedtime, (except for the phase when one of them only liked dog kisses and cat kisses, but I digress) and one thing that really worked for getting out of their room at night was to blow them kisses from the doorway. Of course we had to be silly and pretend that the kisses missed their target and hit us in the head or I had to jump to catch it or a kiss would bounce off the wall. We'd do this about 5 or 6 times before saying the final goodnight. I think the silliness helped both me and the boys not feel sad when leaving their bedside and since I was already at the door, it was a quick getaway.
You know we still have that same big blue car and he talks to us too. (Does Andrew stand on the headboard and do front flps onto the bed like Lexi and all her brothers before her? Just curious.) BTW, big blue is going to a consignment sale next week. I'll miss him!
Every time Emma transitions to a new class, we go through this. She starts next week and we'll be there with you.
One thing that works for us is letting her push me out the door. That way she feels a little more in controll of the change. After we have hugged and kissed good-bye, I stand at the door and she lierally pushes me out. I make a big, dramatic stumbling gesture and duck around the corner. It might be worth a try.
Good luck tomorrow!
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