The title says it all. I buckled, people. Buckled under the stress of it all and had a little cryfest/pity party in my car on the way home tonight. I think the reality of everything hit me like a freight train. I'm leaving my job for a few months, I'm going to Russia for three weeks leaving behind my dogs, cats and comfy bed and I'm going to be an instant mom to an almost three year old that has no clue who I am. Oh, not to mention that I have flights, hotels, apartments to book, teenager logistics to work out, kiddo clothes to wash, sort and decide what to bring, documentation to gather, a homestudy to finish..... Need I say more?
Before anyone thinks badly of me, let me just say I'm excited! I am! I'm also very overwhelmed which makes it hard to be excited. I finally realized today that my life is changing. Not a little but a ton. Well, duh! Didn't I know that before we decided we wanted to expand our family?? YES! OF COURSE! But when you're stressed, emotional, scared, nervous and not in complete control everything seems to multiple times 20. I need to get sleep, get ahead in my work instead of behind and make the most of my weekend and then, hopefully, I'll be back to normal. :-)
Anyhow, so what HAVE I accomplished? Let's see...
Flights booked for Keith, Becky, Alex and Mandy (3 tickets paid for with skymiles! Woohoo!)
One week at the Marriott using points
2 weeks at an apartment
Visa invites are being created for Becky, Keith and Alex (waiting on Mandy's passport which should be here tomorrow).
Major things left to do:
Book the Peanut's ticket
Send in Visa apps and passports (Monday!)
Get new money (in progress - THANKS Dad!)
Get gifts for orphanage director/psychologist (in progress - THANKS Keith's mom!)
Get caretaker gifts (probably do that in Russia)
Finish up work stuff
I filled out my FMLA paperwork today. I'm pretty sure that is what triggered my meltdown. I like my job - I really do. Obviously it has it's moments (what doesn't) but I enjoy the people I work with and what I do. My work is something I'm proud of and, without kids, something I've given my all to in the past 10 years. I think I wonder what kind of "me" I'm going to be next. I know, so weird... If you've been reading this blog long enough you know that, yes.... I'm not normal.
Well, I have a document due at 9:00 tomorrow morning and I haven't started it. I'm so tired, contacts are dry from the waterworks so I might just go to sleep and get up nice and early tomorrow. I'm not very useful right now! :-)
Hope everyone is having a wonderful night! CONGRATS to everyone who has gotten court dates or travel dates lately!
More updates this weekend!
Becky
29 comments:
Gosh! It looks like you've accomplished A LOT very quickly!!! Hope you're feeling better when you wake up :)
Oh girl, chillax! Yes, your life will change a ton, get used to that idea! But focus on the main thing, your little Peanut will be with you forever!
You have done bunch of stuff already for the trip, so don't worry too much about the few stuff left to do!!
Take it easy on yourself - you have done A TON and are going through a lot of emotions right now. Make a list and tackle one thing at a time.
Sleep - sleep is very important!!
Good luck - I'm sure your work mates will understand if your work isn't perfect.
BREATHE...drink a glass of wine...and Breathe some more. You will be just fine. What I DO know after reading your blog for so long is that your good under pressure. You bust your butt and you get it done. In the meantime, it's GOOD to have a breakdown and let all the stress out...just make it quick and pull yourself together again! You're going to be a WONDERFUL mom, THAT is what you are going to be.
I'll say a prayer for you.
Renae
Honestly I would be very worried about you if you did not melt down. I think it is healthy. I see it all the time in the new parents that I care for. It is the ones that act like this change will not affect them that I am worried about. I had a melt down yesterday. So today was your turn.
Joy
You are completely normal. So don't make yourself feel bad for what you are feeling. The week between getting our call and bringing Isabel home I was not excited at all. I was under so much stress I hope to forget it soon.
I'm glad the list is getting smaller of what needs to be done. You'll get a little more done each day.
Adoption is a huge life change. You have every right to have a cry. I would think you were abnormal if you didn't. So relax, and know that you'll be home with your peanut before you know it!
I think that meltdown was due. Now you can move forward!
Becky, it is a big life change and getting that court date makes it really real. It's totally normal to be scared, sad, stressed, overwhelmed, you name it. Your life is changing and in a big way. It was hard on me for a very long time giving up my job and being at home. And even if you are only home a little while it still takes getting used to. Being a mom to a small child is a very different life and you are giving up a lot of 'you' time. Let's be honest here...children take and take and they are not going to thank you for all the hardwork you put in (hopefully when they are all grown up they will :-) and it can be lonely at first with no other adults around and trying to figure out who your new child is, what your new daily routine is, as well as how to get everything else done with a little one in tow and on a schedule can be slightly overwhelming. Life never seems to slow down...laundry, bills, groceries, and other committments are still there too. And it's the only job where you are on call 24 hours a day with no weekends off unless hubby is kind. :-)
Of course, you will find your niche and your new life emerges and hearing the word "mama" is pretty sweet and you realize you wouldn't change a thing. It's about that time you think maybe I'm ready for another? :-)
You will do great and you will be fine. As soon as you get to Russia and all the other stresses of prepping and packing are behind you...you will be able to relax and enjoy! And 2.5/3 year old little boys are very sweet. Boys really love their mommies. Lots of energy, but they can do so much. You will get to do so many fun activities with him..it's a fun age. Very exciting times are ahead. Now, deep breaths...you can do it...exhale!
I am just getting caught up. Congrats on a court date. You are experiencing the freaking out stage. It happens to all PAPs. Dont worry. Once that kiddo is in your arms forever, this stuff will feel like a dream and you will have in the moment things to contend with which will take your mind off it. I hope it all goes smoothly for ya.
Breathe in,Breathe out! It is so normal - There is so much to do with all of the paperwork in this process, etc. and then all of the excitement and joy combined with the unknowns. I know everything will work out just like the first trip. Your little Peanut is waiting for you and can't wait till you bring him home! You are going to have so much fun once everything is done and you are settled in I just know it. Please remember all these things I just said because I am a worrier by nature and am going to have to read my own words to calm down once my trip is here! One thing at a time - Everything will work out! A good cry is healthy once in a while!
LOL! Perfectly normal reaction I think. Its going to be ok. I promise. It will all work out fine and you will get everything done, or you won't and that will be ok too. You have to trust that things will work out. Don't be too hard on yourself. You have done tons of stuff to get ready and you'll be ready. You need rest, because it will be a major lifestyle adjustment when you get back. Be sure to go out on a date with Keith this weekend. Won't be much time for that for a while either! :)
Becky, what you are experiencing is normal. I went through this with Bubby and PPAL and surprisingly yesterday while stopped at a red light with the kids in the back, I felt overwhelmed and got all teary eyed and thought "OMG, our lives are about to change. We're going to have twins! What are we thinking?!?!" The light turned green and I felt ready to take on our new adventure.
Breathe and just let go, you've been waiting for this for a long time. And everything works out.
Amy
Take a DEEP Breath...It'll all come together and be alright. You've waited so long for this day, and your at the homestretch, and you're doing an awesome job. Nothing wrong with a little breakdown with all that's on your plate. If all your To Do's are in your head, take 5 minutes and write them down. This helps take a little of the stress off your shoulders and mind. Someday you will look back and appreciate the journey you have taken (and so will the Peanut). Realize you already have been and are a mom. (the only difference is he's a little younger) Just think, now you will have a great excuse to play all those fun games you love(hungry hippo here we come!). We are excited for you, and can't wait to see you all grow together.
Luv Ya, Nana & Grandpa
Becky,
My heart goes out to you as I can only imagine the emotions you must be going through. I only have one word of advise. Get as much sleep as possible before you get on the plane. This may not be an issue for you, but at the moment the days are really long and the nights very short. I'm one of those people who thinks you can't go to sleep unless its dark outside. Bit of a problem as it does not get dark here until around 11:30 and then daylight starts really really early.
Ron and I are so looking forward to your return to Russia.
Safe travels!
Dinia
I think you are doing just fine and remember - You're gettin' on that plane and gettin' that little boy regardless of what happens because he is the most important thing in your life!!
You'll be fine, everything will come together and call me if you need to talk more!!
BREATH. Let yourself freak a wee bit. It is going to be okay, but you have to take one day at a time. If you don't it will make you feel like you are sinking in mud. Don't forget to put things on your list that make you relax and feel better~ It is going to be okay.
You've done well to have this be your first melt down. We just submitted our dossier and I had a meltdown when it hit me that I'm going to be dropping everything to go to Kazakhstan for 2 months and all that that entails! Congrats!!!!
I totally understand the melt down. I have had many of them thru this process and I know there are more to come. This is such an exciting time in your life but very overwhelming too. Hang in there.
Oh no!!!! Call it an emotional meltdown because, hey, you ARE paper pregnant and I truly think that the same hormones that run through your body when pregnant might actually find there way in when adopting, too. LOL!
I hope you day today is great and that your weekend is relaxing and gives you the opportunity to cross off a ton from your list. BTW, where are you staing apartment-wise?? hehe
Great Becky, I go on a little bloggy break and just popped in to check on you and this is what I find???? Pull yourself together woman! Actually I totally agree with Joy- this is all normal. You really ARE normal. You are going to be fine. One day at a time- that is all you need to remember. You will get everything done, I just know it.
You are almost done! Hang in there. Ok- I am back on bloggy break! Gotta go vacuum my house!
Becky,
Congratulations on the court date. We are so very excited for you. We will keep you in our thoughts and prayers as it sounds like you could use a little encouragement and peace at this time. I too was overwhelmed with the news as you feel like you have so much to do and so little time. Just know that your son awaits your return and you will have him in your arms within two weeks! Isn't that exciting! Work will wait....I promise!!
Lots of love coming your way!
Carey
Wow - you have accomplished a LOT! As for a meltdown, I would have been a bit worried if you didn't have some kind of mini-breakdown. You are going through a HUGE change in your life...it will never be the same. And it is not only affecting you but many others as well, including a precious little boy. It is so exciting, but also so overwhelming. Just take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time and know that most of this will pass when that sweet little boy is in your arms. Good luck!
Congratulations on your court date! I'll keep you in my prayers for steadfast peace and calm to wash over you. I know it was the prayers of others that got me though recently! Your allowed to have a meltdown now and again. What is normal anyway? Peace be with you!
Congrats on your court date! The mini-meltdown in normal - It is a huge change to be a Mom.
Good luck to you!
Myra
Sweetie- this is such an emotional time! You don't know when to laugh or cry!!! You will be just fine
Give yourself credit. You are juggling a LOT right now. The peanut is gonna love you. Bonding takes time but it is such a wonderful journey. I love to see how far Deemoochkah has come since he has been home. The same will happen for you guys. Hire someone to help with anything you can. It will be worth the peace of mind.
Don't worry-there's a lot going on and it's okay to feel overwhelmed. You have a TON going on at once! It sounds like you are organized and on top of things, and it will all come together in the next few weeks! Before both trips, I could not wait to be on the plane taking off, knowing that all of the logistics were worked out, we were packed, and on our way! It will be here before you know it! :)
Oh Becky! Thanks for being so real in your blog! I can so appreciate that sense of panic. What did one comment say the freaking out stage. LOL! Glad there is a name for it, but I'm not looking forward to being in it! Hang in there girl, you will get it done! And I will agree with another comment, try to get sleep. I am awful without it... and everything is clearer after a good nights rest. Hope you had a great, productive weekend!
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