There are so many of you that I have been following since the first day I started thinking about adoption. And then there is the group of you that started everything about the same time we did. Quite a few people have been home with their kids for 6 months or so and then a vast majority of you are just about to bring your kids home or are recently home. And then there are us waiters. (YAY, WAITERS!!! WOOHOOO!!!) :-)
I know those of you recently home are trying to get in the swing of things. Trying to figure out your child, your child is trying to figure you out, if there are other kids in the house you’re trying to make sure everyone gets the same amount of attention, trying to keep your house clean, maybe you’re a new parent just learning the ropes or maybe you’re experiencing a totally different kind of parenting for the first time. Either way, I assume it’s overwhelming, but SO worth it at the same time. (Remind me I said that after my first mental breakdown once I’m home with the Peanut)
I’m writing this post because a few of you new mama’s have been posting so many honest and insightful things about your first days/weeks/months. Telling us the good, the bad and the ugly and from one new-mom-to-be to another, I want to say THANKS. I think it is so easy to post the happy stuff and, as is human nature, we want the outside world to think everything is 100% perfect in our new world. In reality, we all struggle with some things! We’re human!
When you think about our blogging community, think about the great support you received/are receiving from parents that are in the waiting process. People that know how hard it is each day to hear your wait has been pushed back or paperwork needs updating or accreditation has lapsed. There is no better support than those going through it! That being said, by keeping it real once you are home, you are helping/supporting/encouraging more and more families that move into the next phase of the process.
Am I making any sense at all? There has been so much talk on other boards about Peggy Hilt and a show on the WE network that is currently airing. People are posting a bunch of things that are, quite frankly, freaking me out. (Yes, I should stop reading, but I feel like maybe if I'm prepared for the worst, I'll be pleasantly surprised with whatever issues I'm faced with) I’ve read about attachment, I’ve read about post-adoption depression, I’ve read about things to expect when I get home with my child, yet I’m scared I won’t be prepared for the unique issues we’re going to be faced with.
I promise, once we are home with our son, you will read about the good, the bad and the ugly. I’ll need your support just as much then as I do now and I hope that, somewhere down the road, my real-life experiences will help somebody out and make them feel more “normal” throughout that phase of their adoption and also prepare those getting close to bringing their children home. (That was a looonnnngggg run on sentence – whoops!)
A big huge THANK YOU to everyone who has shared their experiences, those that plan on sharing and those that were hesitant but decided to do so anyway. I hope it was/is as therapeutic for you as it is helpful to us.
Much love-
Becky
P.S. I know that sharing information is a very, very personal choice and one not to take lightly! I absolutely respect everyone's individual decision on what to share and what not to. Afterall, it is the world wide web! :-)
P.S.S. That was way too serious of a post for a Monday morning. Phew…. It was just heavy on my mind and I was too tired to type last night. Plus, I was doing HOMESTUDY PAPERWORK... AGAIN!!!!!! :-)
16 comments:
Thanks for posting that. It is important to keep it real. I have found such an education about adoption just in reading the real experiences of the other families on these adoption blogs-more so sometimes than the prepared educational materials out there.
I hope you home study update goes smoothly, I wish you didn't have to do it again! Hang in there. Your vacation is only a few days away!
Ditto everything Becky just said/wrote!! As we wait for our court date, I, too, have been taking comfort in reading the updates of children who have recently come home.
THANKS!!
Ya, waiters!!!!! right there with you Becky! Becky is so right, keeping it real, keeps it real for those of us who ARE waiting and sometimes feel that it is not going to happen. I have to say Becky, just reading YOUR blogs alone keep MY spirits up....they are hilarious! Enjoy your vacation!
Renae and Joe
Ok, girl, I will continue sharing the good and not soo good about our new life with our little boy! It is actually therapeutic to write about it and just let it out!! Take care!
Waiting is so hard. The bloggers I originally met where home with their children for over a year before we even met our referral.
I wish I could write more on our blog but I have given our addy to friends, family and neighbors. I think our adoption friends would appreciate some of the posts (about the hard stuff you deal with) but many others who aren't educated on adoption just don't get it so I have to be careful what I say.
I also don't want our "everyday" friends to know somethings so they brand our child with certain labels etc.
Nice post!! It was heavy for a Monday - but hey - if your in the mode so be it!! Of course you are with the homestudy paperwork! How's that going by the way??? Hang in there Becky - we are all cheerin you on.
I often sit and wonder what people did before the internet was a huge place for support?! It's an interesting thing to contemplate.
I'm an avid believer in keeping it "real"...there are times when I feel like I'm being a little "too" real, if that makes sense, and complaining all the time. (though I just try to balance that with happy, flowery stuff, too...which usually comes in the form of pictures and video...go figure!).
Why do I want to keep it real?
Because those type posts are the ones that helped me the most, when it came to transitioning into being a mama.
So anyway - thanks for the insightful post!
And like Denise said...have fun with your vacation - I'm envious!!
Hmmm...you and Carey really have me thinking this week. I am glad you mentioned that it is a personal choice, not only affecting the parent but possibly someday the child (should the parent choose to show the blog to him / her). Thanks for the thoughtful post.
Hi Becky,
It has been so great to read the stories that are real because you are right, it helps to know you are not alone with all these feelings. It has also been such a support to hear the "pep talks" when things are not going well. It is always really exciting to hear the fun stuff too! I promise to keep it real!
Warmest wishes...Teresa
AMEN Sister!
P.S. Let's Go Waiters!
Woohooo to us waiters! lol!
Becky,
I feel like the table at a wedding that shows up without a date. Soon we will be at the wedding with a date too.
Joy
As a fellow Waiter...I too appreciate all of those who have shared and "kept it real". I hate being blind sided by anything, so I'm glad that I now know alot of what can happen with attachment issues, over stimulation, etc...from families who have gone before us. Thanks for the great post once again, even if it was very serious. :)
Shannon
I really appreciate you posting this. If I sugar coated everything, that wouldn't be real. The realty is, this is haaaarrrddd! No matter how your child comes to you, parenting is really hard and waiting is really hard too. What bothers me is when I receive personal e-mails from people I don't even know criticizing me for posting what is real! I don't know where these people come from, they have never commented publicly and yet they feel the need to tell me how harsh I have been. I've even received e-mails with parenting classes I should be taking! I used to read every Russian adoption blog I could get my hands on just to learn and prepare myself for what was to come, and I still refer back to some of them to see how they handled certain situations. If people didn't keep it real, I would have been in for a rude awakening when I got home with my kids.
The 'Waiters' day is coming. We are all waiting for something, right? Mid as well be a precious, Russian Peanut. I am so excited with you for the day we will know who this dear one is!
To all of you bloggers and "waiters" just remember this, No one has ever made a perfect guide book to being a parent. Every child, parent, situation, event is different. God made us unique. You do your very best, trust in a Higher Power, and that is all you can do. Adoption is much harder than just giving birth, and be proud of yourselves for being those excellent caring people. You can question, question, but in final result, you will deal with each occasion with what you think is best with what you know at that specific time and take action. Sometimes you will be wrong, but mostly you will be right, & don't 2nd guess yourself. Learn from experience and do better next time. Consider where critizism is coming from and let it slide right off you. They aren't you, or your child, or in your particular circumstance at that time. In the end, You are the parents, and your specially chosen child will love you forever. And you him or her.
PS And ones of you who don't write after getting your special gift, we know it's because you are toooo busy being a Mom/Dad to write. Good luck to you all.
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